On March 4, when the president of these United States hopped on Twitter and tweeted a series of tweets claiming that former President Barack Obama had wiretapped his home in New York City’s Trump Tower when he was running for president, the media was in shock.
I don’t know how those series of tweets could be misinterpreted or misunderstood, but that is what he White House now wants us to believe. Even though everyone from House Intelligence Committee Chairman Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) to Attorney General Jeff Sessions has strongly denied TrumPutin’s claim that the former president wiretapped TrumPutin’s high-rise, Sean “Spicy Facts” Spicer and even the president himself are claiming that his explosive accusations weren’t just a flat-out lie.
“‘Wiretap’ covers a lot of different things,” Trump told Fox News’ Tucker Carlson in an interview Wednesday, CNN reports.
Umm, no, the fuck, it doesn’t. “Wiretapping” covers wiretapping—yet the president would like to play semantics after tweeting that Obama committed a criminal act. Spicy Facts is even mimicking bunny ears with his hands to note that the president used quotes around the word “wiretapping” because it was actually meant to imply broad surveillance.
Spicy Facts using bunny fingers is even funnier when you remember that he was an actual White House bunny.
But because it’s impossible for any of the folks at the White House to own up to their shit, we have to keep listening to crazy-ass conspiracy theories. I mean, Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway is out here talking about microwaves becoming cameras and shit, and no one seems to be able to call out the president on what he’s done. News folks have been noting that the White House, which not only doubled down on the claim that Obama had wiretapped Trump Tower but even called for an investigation into the claim, is now “walking back” its earlier accusations.
Well, isn’t it nice to live in Trump World, where you aren’t accountable or held accountable for anything you say or do? Even though Obama doesn’t care about anything coming from that putrid White House, so I’m sure he isn’t looking for an apology. He didn’t care about TrumPutin then and he surely doesn’t care about him now. You’ve seen the photos of him in his buttery leather and mom jeans. He’s out here living his best life while the White House is imploding under the weight of TrumPutin’s alternative facts.
Although we all know that the wiretaps, had there ever been any, in Trump Tower would have revealed TrumPutin playing with his alphabet blocks on the floor while sucking on his baba, we might also have discovered that Steve Bannon really does wear the Bane mask when he isn’t around company and that Spicy Facts does wear the bunny costume when he gets to dress down. But there weren’t any fucking wiretaps, and it would be great if we could all stop acting like the emperor isn’t butt-ass naked and call the man what he is: a megalomaniacal lying windbag.
And if that’s too much, then I’m fine with just calling him a liar. At least that’s the truth.