Should you swing that thing?

By Sharlene Emmanuel

Q: Do you think swinging can hurt or spice up your relationship?

He Says (Williams, 52): Swinging can spice up your relationship if you’re into that type of thing.  I don’t know a lot of men that would want to invite a guy into their bedroom, but I’m pretty sure they would be down with inviting another female, if their wife was up to it.

Some people feel like swinging is a way of being honest with their partner about their desires to experience other people, which in a funny way can create more trust.  Like I said, both people must be into it.

I had a friend who participated in swinging with his wife, but only under the circumstance that they swing together, and he didn’t try to do it behind her back.  Well, my buddy broke the code and tried to swing with one of their partners without her and it didn’t end well for him in his relationship. You got to know what you’re getting into before you start swinging.

She Says (Parker, 42): There’s nothing fun or funny about swinging and it will do nothing but hurt your relationship. Inviting another person into your bedroom can create many problems including distrust, insecurity and deception. It’s hard to build and maintain trust, and this type of situation can break that in a minute.

As women, we are constantly worried about how we measure up. We have concerns about our weight, our looks, and of course, whether or not we are making it happen for our man in the bedroom. Inviting other women into your space will only intensify those insecurities.  What if she’s prettier, or slimmer, or can shake her tail feather better.  If you are into that sort of thing, then more power to you.  For me, it’s a NO!

Sharlene Says: For some, the thought of their partner being with anyone else is the worst thing they can ever imagine. For these people, a swinging lifestyle is not for them!

There can be pros and cons to a swinging relationship. If you and your partner have a strong foundation and both have an interest in exploring this uncharted territory together, then swinging may bring some spice to your situation.

For those couples who wish to try swinging, they may find that they are able to improve their sexual confidence while also discovering new pleasures with each other. Women in long-term relationships have expressed that swinging has in many ways strengthened their bond and made it easier to discuss other issues.

Swinging for some can remove the desire to cheat as they can have all their sexual needs met within the comforts of their relationship. As with anything, communication is vital. If both partners do not agree to swinging, then that option should be off the table; no one should be forced or coerced into participating in this type of situation.

Also, swinging should never be used to fix a struggling relationship as it does nothing but compound the problems you already have. Sex and sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, but so is trust and respect. You should never trade off one for the other.


Sharlene Emmanuel He Say She SayYou can catch “He Say She Say LIVE” with On The Beat St. Pete at Rush Hour Restaurant and Lounge every second and fourth Friday starting at 7 p.m.  Have a “He Say She Say” question? Send us an email to get your question answered to

Sharlene Emmanuel is the founder of On the Beat St. Pete, an online media and entertainment company that works to uplift the positive image of the black community in St. Pete.

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